Are you your own worst enemy?
If you’re like most people, the answer is probably a resounding yes. The vast majority of us get in our own ways with internal “possibility blockers” (negative, limiting assumptions and beliefs). Those possibility blockers not only slam the door shut on what’s possible, they also cover it with a façade of bricks so we don’t even realize the door is there.
The good news is that, with some effort, we can tear that façade down and re-open the door. How? By watching for “red flag words” that often accompany limiting thinking and using them as a signal to explore alternative perspectives.
Possibility blocking beliefs and assumptions are often so ingrained that we don’t even notice them. They are such a natural part of how we perceive reality that we don’t realize they’re our own projection. Watching for red flag words is a way to notice when we might be blocking possibilities. They pop in thoughts like:
- I can’t do that.
- I don’t know how.
- They wouldn’t have time to help me.
Here’s a quick list of red flag words you can start watching for. You can add to the list as you notice others.
- Can’t
- Won’t
- Wouldn’t
- Shouldn’t
- Never
- Impossible
- If only (as in, “If I only had more money, I could _____.”)
- I wish (as in, “I wish I had a bigger network.”)
When you notice red flag words in your thoughts or conversations, you can pause and start asking questions. Here’s a short list of questions to get you started. Tailor them to be relevant to the specific possibility blocker you’re encountering, and add your own questions to the list as you think of them.
- Is that really true?
- Can I prove that it’s true, or is that really just my opinion?
- How could I?
- If I had no choice, how could I?
- How could I change that?
- Why is this inaccurate? (Challenge yourself to make a case for a positive assessment.)
- What are the specific things in my way? What can I do to get past each of those obstacles?
- What needs to be in place for this to be a positive assessment? How do I start working towards each of those things?
- Are there different ways of looking at this that might be equally valid?
Of course, just because a red flag word pops up doesn’t mean it’s inaccurate. Your assessment might be spot on. But using red flag words will help you recognize those instances where it isn't, and that expands what’s possible in a very real way.
Even if your negative assumptions and beliefs were spot on 80% of the time (and I think that's an uber-high estimate), that still leaves 20% of the time where they were inaccurate. And that means 20% more doors opening and possibilities appearing than otherwise would have. Now imagine that 20% increase playing out through the rest of your career, and the rest of your life. Cumulatively, would kind of impact do you think that would have? Enormous!
Try it for the next week. Watch your thoughts and conversations for red flag words. If you don’t have time to explore them on the fly, jot down a bullet point and come back to it later. If you find yourself noticing too many of them, pick one each day and start asking questions.
The key isn’t to get perfect at always shifting your perspective. The key is to start developing a habit of noticing them so you can question them. As you do, bit by bit, you will find yourself naturally looking for more positive perspectives, and even stopping the possibility blockers before they begin.
And each time you do, it unlocks those hidden doors of possibility.
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