What if you could change your life for the better right now? No waiting. No delay. Immediate gratification galore! Sound too good to be true? It’s not.
How do you do that? Change the way you look at it. You may not be able to change the external circumstances of your life immediately, but you can change the way you experience them. At any given point, your experience of reality is created by the lens you see it through. It’s not “REAL reality” – it’s your perception of reality.
Here are eight questions to help you create a lens that gives your reality a more positive perspective.
Where’s the gift?
When things go sideways, it’s easy to forget that challenges often bring about positive insights, ideas, or changes. Take a moment to step back and ask, “Where the gift in this situation? What am I learning? What new insight is this offering me? How is this benefiting me?”
Where is the positive?
It’s also easy to get so wrapped up in our negative story that we forget to pay attention to the positive in our lives. As a result, the negative story swells to take up the whole room. Put it back in perspective by actively focusing on the positive elements of your life.
What is a positive story I could tell about this?
So often the discomfort we experience in a situation comes from the story we choose to tell about it, often without having any real facts. When you find yourself projecting a negative story onto a situation (e.g., this person was abrupt with me, so they must not like me) , ask yourself if you know that for a fact. If the answer is no, ask, “Since I’m making this perception up anyway, what positive story could I tell about this situation?”
What are some positive outcomes of this?
If you’re in a situation you don’t like (e.g., a crappy job), try taking your attention off what you don’t like by focusing on the positive outcomes. For example, you might not like your job, but the paycheck is helping you provide for your family. Note that there’s a big difference between using this approach to shift your focus in the moment and using it to justify staying miserable and stuck for the long term.
What do I have the power to change?
When you feel stuck and unable to move, you feel disempowered. It’s easy to feel helpless in the face of a broad brush negative picture. Try breaking loose by saying, “What do I have the power to change?” Break the unpleasant situation down into pieces. What specifically is the source of your negative experience? Can you change any of those things?
What steps toward big picture change can I take?
Another way to reclaim power in a situation is to start taking steps towards big picture change. When you’re unhappy with a situation, you have two choices. You can either stay where you are, or you can choose to move towards something different. When you identify steps towards a big picture change and start taking them, you step out of helplessness and take back some degree of control. The big picture change may not happen immediately, but at least you know you’re working towards it.
What is positive about _______?
This is another variation on the previous question. Few situations are 100% bad. Stop and ask yourself, “What is positive about this?” If it’s a bad job, maybe you really enjoy three of the people you work with. Or there is one task you do that you really enjoy. Find the positives and focus on them.
Who can I help? How can I help them?
Finally, a great way to shift your perspective is to shift your focus from yourself to someone else. Ask, “Who can I help? How can I help them?” This might be mentoring someone at work, or helping your kids with their homework, or volunteering at a non-profit you care about. Look for ways to step out of your own story and into helping someone else make their story better.
--
Time for a career change? Launch it with
The Occupational Adventure Guide:
A Travel Guide to the Career of Your Dreams
